I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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