My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
