does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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