Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
