sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
