I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
