bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
