big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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