I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
