I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
