omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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