When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
