he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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