i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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