You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
