when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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