On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
