highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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