oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
