drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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