Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
