ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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