I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
