Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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