There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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