So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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