toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
