I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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