Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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