There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
