im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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