If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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