I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
