Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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