so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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