I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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