I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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