He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
