Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My vagina just recognized that song.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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