I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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