thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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