There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
