I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
