i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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