i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
