he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
