we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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