i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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