Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
