Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
