Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
