Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
