You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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