Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
