he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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