I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
