i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
