turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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