It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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