My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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