i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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