no you cant smoke seaweed
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
