we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
