my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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