I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
