You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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